I tend to be the person that had always done what seemed easiest and natural. My self confidence gave way to outside influence. I wasn't the epitome of slovenly, but I definitely had my moment when I looked around and said : If I don't clean up soon I'm going to put myself up as a horder/ slob. Through out my own history I've taken the easy way out by running away, by diconnecting and detaching from those things And People I found most difficult. I don't know if it hadn't been for my son, if I would have ever come out of my shell. So for that, even though he was not 'Planed' I'm an very grateful he's a part of my life today.
So Just for Today I am doing my best. I am looking at all the stuff and making more steps forward then I am backwards and that is a good feeling. I try something, then I marinate in it and then hopefully I slowly accept it into my life as a reality. I'm am full of defects but I am also full of love joy and laughter.
This week my hormones have taken over. I've been mean to people, I've definitely said some things I usually would not, and I have been ignoring the fellowship of the program that has helped me get in touch with everything I've needed to. So what do I do? I guess I recognize and move forward. I really think I'm stressed about the red light ticket I got downtown... maybe dealing with that and moving on with my life is the answer? ugh... All I know is that I'm here now, I'm working on something and my Saturn Returns is right on my heels telling me to move along and stop fighting it. Just go with the Flow...
Ok. Sounds like a plan.