Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Raising Who?

I've realized lately that in all the effort I've made to work on raising my child, I'm really raising myself more. I've learned how to pick up after myself better, how to sort and organize, what time management is really all about and the choices I make and how they effect other people.
I've found that following my bliss is what is most important in teaching my son how to follow his own. And I grown to begin to understand that the most important things I can do in life are this.

Play. Create. Do.

By following this simple mantra, gaining some control over my own defects, allowing the idea of a power greater then myself to take care of all those pesky things that really are not under any part of my control and do with them what it will, I am slowly evolving into a real human being instead of a blob on the couch wishing something different would happen.

Recently I've addresses my television addiction. I am a TV addict. Always have been. I have spent countless hours enmeshed in the stories of other people lives, wishing and dreaming I could be just like them or have the lives they did. The saddest part of this is, I was not even watching reality tv. I was watching charters on a program that were written as adventurous, glamorous people with fabulous lives. When in all reality, they were parts that some imaginative person dreamed up and put on the screen to make money and get a piece of their creative person out there in the universe.

Well this is it! I'm tired of wishing and dreaming I could become a character in a tv program. I am a real human, and now I am raising another human and the thing I want to teach him the most is to be himself! How am I suppose to raise him to be himself if I don't even know who I am.

Right now I am in my Saturn Returns Transit period of life. The perfect time to grow, learn, fall down and prove to myself that I, me, myself can get back up with out crying for help and begging for someone to free me of my self imposed misery.

This may not come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. This may sound like gibberish. Abeni has been a loser. I have put myself in a 'victim' role without even knowing it. I have claimed to be a survivor and until this point have done a very good job of hiding all my loserish qualities. But that doesn't have to continue. I have officially turned off the boob tube. I have begun reading books and listening to books on tape of my favorite authors. I have dusted off my records, I have broken out my library card and I have begun to show up for my life.

I will attempt to keep a blog. Even if no one really follows it. I am proving to myself that I can be and feel like a participating member of my life.