Last night we felt the lunar eclipse with the moon in Sagittarius and the sun in Gemini. This(to my understanding) will bring crisis, conflict or strengthening to relationships. Especially to individuals with Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius or Pisces in there charts. The ideas of these will become highly apparent and the action towards them are more likely. There are a lot of big events happening the the sky right now that I can actually feel shifting the world around me if only in my mind.
Recently I started reading a book about creativity and releasing it while setting aside our fears. I read about inertia and it made the most sense of anything. Inertia is the thing that keeps us going in the same direction at the same speed until there is something to give us a push backwards or forwards. Unfortunately I think inertia is working against me, keeping my mind stuck in the same place even when my body wants to move forward.
This brain of mine still has me hiding from the world. I still convince myself to sit down on the couch instead of doing my dishes, putting away my laundry, or cleaning the cats box. So I ask this: What can I do to get myself needed push to change my inertia and when I get one push, what do I need after that to continue moving faster in the healthy direction. I think, my mind, is controlling, the outcome. I always find a way to fall back.
So back to the point of astrology. I've been continually studying and tracking the celestial giants above us. The moon makes it's way around our planet the most frequently at the rate of 28 1/2 days a month. My moon was placed in the sign of Capricorn at 9degrees and my Ascending (the starting point of my chart) was placed in Cancer at 22degrees. This means it's not a complete opposite degree wise however the signs are. One thing I've always know is my moods seem to change rapidly and I discovered they really are affected by where ever the moon seems to be. And so I've been studying this more closely. Tracking my moods monthly and weekly yes, daily. Tracking my patterns of when I clean more and when I am more active or less in other ways. I tend to clean more when the moons in Capricorn then I do when the moons in cancer. I cook more when the Gemini moon meets my Gemini sun sign. I feel more emotional when the moon hits cancer am less of a home body at that time as well. And it all seems to heighten when the sun is placed in certain signs as well. Sometimes I feel like it all moves so quickly that I'll never get a true sense of just how it really works... So what does the Gemini sun meeting with the Sagittarius moon mean for this feeling, stubborn, and starry eyed astro girl? Well, I do know I got off my netflix and wrote this. hahaha...
Yes, the push I need has to come internally. The inertia of change is there in my mind I only now need to find the internal push to move it into action.
No placement in the stars is actually going to physically shove me, how ever I have noticed the shifts do affect my moods and when my mood is active and up, I tend to get more up and active. I look forward to the mercury transit into my natal ascending Cancer in two more days. From what I understand, it will bring the emotions around romance, love and home to a place of better communication. And since Venus (ruled by Cancer) is currently retrograde in Gemini (ruler of Mercury) making all those romances come to light in the communication that wasn't working then maybe we'll all have some fun when the time comes to be honest and forefront about all that past messy stuff (that at least has my head) spinning. I tired of the old romance that feels stale and stagnant but yet too elusive and achy to let go of.
We'll see. I'm still learning. No expert but an ever learning and curious student of life. And I know now that the only person I can change is myself. So "Self" it's time to get off your ass and let the inertia build to a point of doing. Thinking too much is only serving the bat I choose to beat myself up with. Time to move forward. Because we all know, there's no going back.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Surviving and thriving in my Saturn Returns - wtf. Some people probably don't even know what I'm talking about. Well, it's just another part of life that a person gets to learn their very own life long lesson and hopefully come out better one the other side.
I tend to be the person that had always done what seemed easiest and natural. My self confidence gave way to outside influence. I wasn't the epitome of slovenly, but I definitely had my moment when I looked around and said : If I don't clean up soon I'm going to put myself up as a horder/ slob. Through out my own history I've taken the easy way out by running away, by diconnecting and detaching from those things And People I found most difficult. I don't know if it hadn't been for my son, if I would have ever come out of my shell. So for that, even though he was not 'Planed' I'm an very grateful he's a part of my life today.
So Just for Today I am doing my best. I am looking at all the stuff and making more steps forward then I am backwards and that is a good feeling. I try something, then I marinate in it and then hopefully I slowly accept it into my life as a reality. I'm am full of defects but I am also full of love joy and laughter.
This week my hormones have taken over. I've been mean to people, I've definitely said some things I usually would not, and I have been ignoring the fellowship of the program that has helped me get in touch with everything I've needed to. So what do I do? I guess I recognize and move forward. I really think I'm stressed about the red light ticket I got downtown... maybe dealing with that and moving on with my life is the answer? ugh... All I know is that I'm here now, I'm working on something and my Saturn Returns is right on my heels telling me to move along and stop fighting it. Just go with the Flow...
Ok. Sounds like a plan.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
I've realized lately that in all the effort I've made to work on raising my child, I'm really raising myself more. I've learned how to pick up after myself better, how to sort and organize, what time management is really all about and the choices I make and how they effect other people.
I've found that following my bliss is what is most important in teaching my son how to follow his own. And I grown to begin to understand that the most important things I can do in life are this.
Play. Create. Do.
By following this simple mantra, gaining some control over my own defects, allowing the idea of a power greater then myself to take care of all those pesky things that really are not under any part of my control and do with them what it will, I am slowly evolving into a real human being instead of a blob on the couch wishing something different would happen.
Recently I've addresses my television addiction. I am a TV addict. Always have been. I have spent countless hours enmeshed in the stories of other people lives, wishing and dreaming I could be just like them or have the lives they did. The saddest part of this is, I was not even watching reality tv. I was watching charters on a program that were written as adventurous, glamorous people with fabulous lives. When in all reality, they were parts that some imaginative person dreamed up and put on the screen to make money and get a piece of their creative person out there in the universe.
Well this is it! I'm tired of wishing and dreaming I could become a character in a tv program. I am a real human, and now I am raising another human and the thing I want to teach him the most is to be himself! How am I suppose to raise him to be himself if I don't even know who I am.
Right now I am in my Saturn Returns Transit period of life. The perfect time to grow, learn, fall down and prove to myself that I, me, myself can get back up with out crying for help and begging for someone to free me of my self imposed misery.
This may not come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. This may sound like gibberish. Abeni has been a loser. I have put myself in a 'victim' role without even knowing it. I have claimed to be a survivor and until this point have done a very good job of hiding all my loserish qualities. But that doesn't have to continue. I have officially turned off the boob tube. I have begun reading books and listening to books on tape of my favorite authors. I have dusted off my records, I have broken out my library card and I have begun to show up for my life.
I will attempt to keep a blog. Even if no one really follows it. I am proving to myself that I can be and feel like a participating member of my life.